Often times when we hear the word "boundary," we equate it with
restrictions. The reality is, setting-up boundaries is not only
important, it is imperative. Furthermore, if we do not set them for
ourselves, others will set them for us.
Setting up our boundaries is simply determining for ourselves what we are comfortable with, then letting others know, so everyone knows what to expect.
Boundaries are necessary in all areas of our life: personal, business and pleasure. Most of us already set boundaries for ourselves, even unknowingly, and then become frustrated or agitated when others cross them.
Here is a simple example of why setting boundaries is so important. If we tell others they "can call us anytime," do we really mean "any time?" If we only mean during daylight hours, than to receive a call at an unreasonable hour, whose fault is it really? If we fail to clarify our boundary, do we have the right to be unhappy at the caller for simply doing what we told them to do? Some may argue common sense would prevent someone from calling at an unreasonable hour, but it is also arguable to determine what common sense is. Is it following someone's direction, in this case "call us any time," or is it determining what is reasonable? Either position could hold weight. Bottom line is this, unless we set clear boundaries, we risk being subjected to others opinions of what is reasonable and what our boundaries ought to be.
We have many areas in life where it is beneficial to let others know what our boundaries are - at work, home and in our leisure time. Boundaries affect both sides.
At work, if you agreed to overtime at the time of hiring, respect that boundary set by your employer and provide it happily. Likewise, if you did not agree to overtime, but are now expected to work it and that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you have every right to set your boundary by reminding your employer of the terms of your employment. In relationships, set and share your boundaries regarding things you enjoy and those you do not. Clarify your wants, needs and desires to let those you are in a relationship with know what makes you happy. In your leisure time or hobbies, set boundaries by clarifying amounts of time and frequency of how often you hope to enjoy your activity, in order to bring you pleasure.
Boundaries are everywhere. Businesses operate and thrive within them, relationships flourish respecting them and our leisure time is enhanced by enjoying them.
So you see, setting boundaries is not about restrictions, nor is it about always getting your own way. It is about determining for yourself what you are comfortable with, then letting others know, so you can maintain your happiness and ensure others maintain theirs as well.
Setting up our boundaries is simply determining for ourselves what we are comfortable with, then letting others know, so everyone knows what to expect.
Boundaries are necessary in all areas of our life: personal, business and pleasure. Most of us already set boundaries for ourselves, even unknowingly, and then become frustrated or agitated when others cross them.
Here is a simple example of why setting boundaries is so important. If we tell others they "can call us anytime," do we really mean "any time?" If we only mean during daylight hours, than to receive a call at an unreasonable hour, whose fault is it really? If we fail to clarify our boundary, do we have the right to be unhappy at the caller for simply doing what we told them to do? Some may argue common sense would prevent someone from calling at an unreasonable hour, but it is also arguable to determine what common sense is. Is it following someone's direction, in this case "call us any time," or is it determining what is reasonable? Either position could hold weight. Bottom line is this, unless we set clear boundaries, we risk being subjected to others opinions of what is reasonable and what our boundaries ought to be.
We have many areas in life where it is beneficial to let others know what our boundaries are - at work, home and in our leisure time. Boundaries affect both sides.
At work, if you agreed to overtime at the time of hiring, respect that boundary set by your employer and provide it happily. Likewise, if you did not agree to overtime, but are now expected to work it and that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you have every right to set your boundary by reminding your employer of the terms of your employment. In relationships, set and share your boundaries regarding things you enjoy and those you do not. Clarify your wants, needs and desires to let those you are in a relationship with know what makes you happy. In your leisure time or hobbies, set boundaries by clarifying amounts of time and frequency of how often you hope to enjoy your activity, in order to bring you pleasure.
Boundaries are everywhere. Businesses operate and thrive within them, relationships flourish respecting them and our leisure time is enhanced by enjoying them.
So you see, setting boundaries is not about restrictions, nor is it about always getting your own way. It is about determining for yourself what you are comfortable with, then letting others know, so you can maintain your happiness and ensure others maintain theirs as well.
Author of Insight In Sight: Was I Born Like This? A straight gone gay gone straight lady, who shares the journey and how she did it. http://www.sylviehache.com
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